Friday, January 22, 2016

Mush-isms

Some funny gems from this funny kid:

Age 2:

Mommy:  "I..... love..... you!"
Mush: "A...... wub.....Daddy!"

Age 3:

"Ice cream is my favorite vegetable!"

Upon seeing the garbage man: "He's coming to take my stinky diapers away!"

Upon seeing me clean the toilet:  "Mommy is cleaning the tushie water."

"This feels me all better."

Upon seeing a picture of himself, "That's my friend, Me!"

"Mommy - what you eating?"
"A breakfast bar.  I didn't eat breakfast."
"Can I share it?"
"Just a small piece.  Mommy didn't eat breakfast.  You did."
"Can I pretend I didn't eat breakfast?"

"Mommy - You locked the bathroom door!  That's okay - I'll break it!"

"Mush - Do you have a poop in your diaper?"
"No."
"Are you telling the truth or are you tricking me?"
"I am telling a lie."

Upon farting:
My tushie sings "la la la."

Age 4:
"I want a heart lollipop."
"I'm sorry honey.  We don't eat lollipops for breakfast."
"I want a pretent-a-lollipop."
"What is a pretend-a-lollipop?"
"I want to pretend a lollipop is for breakfast."
"We could eat a lollipop after lunch."
"Okay let's have lunch."

Upon dropping big brother off at school, Mush says, "I'm going to go to this school when I am a big boy and I have a big penis!"

"Let's put on underwear."
"No, a diaper."
"Everyone wears underwear!  Does Daddy wear underwear?"
"Yes"
"Does brother wear underwear?"
"Yes"
"Does Mommy wear underwear?
"No, Mommy wears a magina."

Big brother was quizzing him on fire safety.
"What do you do if your pants are on fire?"
"You take your pants off and put on new ones!"

"I have a bless you nose."

Age 5:
Mush: "I love you."
Mom: "I love you too, buddy."
Mush: "Mommy I was talking to my seashell.

Upon descending during his first airplane trip, Mush turned to big brother and loudly proclaimed, "You're right!  The plane didn't crash!"

During Easter, we were visiting friends.  When Mush woke up on Easter morning to find an Easter basket for him, he said, "The Easter Bunny doesn't realize we're Jewish!"

Mush was passing gas shortly after using the bathroom.
Mom: "Do you need to use the bathroom some more?"
Mush: "No, my tushie was just saying thank you for making the poo poos."

"Mommy, my heart beeps for you because I love you so much!"

"Mommy, what does that sign say?"
"It says, 'no smoking on the playground.'"
Mush walks out of the playground gate.
"Can I smoke out here?"

Age 6:
"I have toe cheese.  My toes ate too much cheese."

Age 8:
"My teacher said that she went to Egypt.  I said, 'Are you kidding?  Why would you go to Egypt?  The Jews were slaves there!'"

At a party, Mush was at the drink table making each person a cup of lemonade with water, lemon slices and sugar packets.  He walked around the party offering each person his homemade lemonade.  Finally, he came to Mommy and said, "I have one lemonade left.  Would you like it?"  I tasted it and commented that it was delicious, to which he replied, "I tasted each one to make sure it was perfect."

Age 9:
"I speak 3 languages - English, Hebrew and Klingon!"

A psychologist asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up.  His response: "I'm not sure.  I haven't given it much thought yet.  Right now I'm just working on me."

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