My friend has 12 pets - intro

My friend has twelve pets.  Well, at least she did.  I haven't been in her house in about 25 years, and I'd feel pretty weird if I called her to ask her about her animal situation years after the fact....so for the sake of this blog, lets just assume that she does.  "My friend has twelve pets" may be a simple five word sentence that your first grader might write as part of his spelling homework, but those words are famous to me.  It was the first sentence I impulsively uttered out when I became a TV star.

Okay, I'm not a TV star. I'm not even a D list celebrity.  In fact, no one outside of my immediate family would even understand the significance of "My friend has twelve pets," but that sentence is me in a nutshell. 

Watch the clip and see:

The year is 1982.  The show is Romper Room.  The lady is Miss Molly.  And the annoying, dimple-faced, pig-tailed kid in the red dress who incessantly interrupts Miss Molly until she is forced to respond...is me. Why did I insist she have this piece of information?  I have no idea...but my mom was thrilled because the camera man zoomed right in on me, and my grandma was proud to see me on television, and my two older brothers had many years worth of teasing material. 

So that's what this blog is about...not 12 pets...but me.  "My friend has twelve pets" is a totally random statement, and...well...I am totally random.  Or at least my writing is.  I like to write about random stuff...but the main person that this blog is for...is me.  Not you.  Not the 1 person who insisted I start a blog or the other 2 people that said that they might actually read it if time allowed and there was nothing on TV.  For those of you that know me, you know that I am not a professional writer...at all.  I actually kinda suck.  I took one writing class in college and it wasn't even specifically writing, it was writing for educators.  But those of you that know me know what I like, what I am passionate about, and what I would die for...coffee.  Oh, and memories.  I enjoy everything that is involved in memory keeping - taking photos, scrapbooking, and especially writing.  I find that after a big event I like to get my thoughts down immediately while they are still fresh in my head and this blog serves the perfect purpose, as a way to help me remember the little things...like how my newborn always turns his head to belch in my face while I am burping him or how the 4 year old always offers me his boogers after he picks his nose (what a sweetie)... and also to remember the big things...like when my boys one day become high payed doctors and buy me a condo in Boca.  You won't believe the look on my face when they surprise me! 

So this blog will sort of serve as a collection of my writing.  I have some old stuff that I will put up for you to share.  Some of my older stuff is much heavier from when my writing wasn't funny.  Life isn't as funny when you don't have kids...before you find yourself saying things like, "Please don't lick your brother" or "your penis is NOT a toy!"

I prefer to keep my blog anonymous and will therefore use fake names when writing about my family.  What goes on the Internet stays on the Internet.  Even though I do put some personal stuff on Facebook, I have a private profile and so only my 4,285 closest friends including the mail carrier and the cashier from Sears can see it.  I figure that it is best to keep my kids real names disclosed for a few reasons.  Consider the following scenarios:

Scenario 1: No one reads my blog.  It doesn't matter if I use first names.  It doesn't matter if I use last names or even social security numbers.  No one reads it - not even the 3 friends who were nice enough to lie and say that they would.  I become old and die in front of the computer with cobwebs in my hair resembling Miss Havisham while waiting to see if anyone comments on a post.

Scenario 2: You like me.  You really like me! Word gets around and I am the next Perez Hilton.  Next thing you know I am signing a book deal, doing appearances on "The View" and my third cousin's roommate's pet iguana is hitting me up for money, and because I have no backbone, i will give him the money, never hearing from him again, and then probably find out that the iguana has started a company selling unitards that makes it big and I will kick muself for not investing in shares when the price was low, and that damn iguana will act as though he doesn't even know me which proves that you should always draw up a legal contract when lending money to cold blooded lizards.

Scenario 3: (And probably the most likely) Ten years from now my 4 year old's buddies will google his name and find lots of dirt on him and I just can't bear having his friends tease him about how he used to jump out of the bathroom and scream "pooptini" every time he has a bowel movement.  (it's cute now but hopefully in ten years he'll outgrow it.)

So there you have it.  Enjoy....and in case you didn't know - My friend has 12 pets.